Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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