a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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