they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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