and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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