I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
