I showed him my bush... on skype.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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