I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
