all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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