she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
