ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
