I love black thongs
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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