You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
