fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
