Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
