I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
