I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
