there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
