The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
