I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
