4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
