No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
