we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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