I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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