Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Text me some of your sweat
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
