I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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