I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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