hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're completely useless in the revolution.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
