oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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