So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
