so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
