You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
