even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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