As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
