So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
