Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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