I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
