pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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