CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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