Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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