Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
