So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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