Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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