i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He passed out mid-signature
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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