Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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