why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
