So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
