I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
