So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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