You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
