he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
