Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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