Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
